How to Make New Friends at School: 10 Practical Tips for Children and Parents

Starting at a new school, or returning after a long break, can be one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking experiences of a child’s life. For many children, the prospect of making new friends at school feels daunting, especially in an unfamiliar environment with new faces, different routines, and sometimes even a new language.

The good news is that the social skills required to build genuine friendships are learnable. With the right strategies, encouragement from parents, and a supportive school community, almost every child can go from feeling like the new kid to feeling like they truly belong.

This guide brings together practical, evidence-based tips on how to make new friends at school, with specific advice for different ages, guidance for shy children, and a dedicated section for expat families navigating an international school environment.

Key Takeaways for Building School Friendships

• Friendship-building is a learnable skill, children of all personality types can develop it with the right support.
• Age-appropriate strategies make a significant difference: what works for a 6-year-old is different from what works for a 14-year-old.
• Shy and introverted children are not at a disadvantage, they simply need different entry points for connection.
• Expat children face unique social challenges that a well-structured international school community can actively address.
• Parents play a vital supporting role without needing to intervene directly in their child’s friendships.
• Schools like the ABCIS embed friendship and belonging into their culture, not as an afterthought, but as a core priority.

Why Making Friends at School Matters More Than Most Parents Realise

The social and academic benefits of school friendships are closely connected. When a child knows someone is saving them a seat at lunch, they arrive at school with greater confidence, focus, and readiness to learn. This sense of belonging can shape how they approach the entire school day.

Friendships also support key areas of development beyond the classroom. Through everyday interactions, children build communication skills, learn to navigate differences, and develop empathy. These social experiences help strengthen emotional resilience, making it easier for students to manage challenges and adapt to new situations.

Building friendships is not separate from academic success, it is a vital part of the same foundation. When children feel connected and supported, they are more engaged, more willing to participate, and better prepared to make the most of their learning opportunities.

How to Make New Friends at School: Age-Specific Strategies

Friendship-building looks different at each stage of a child’s development. The most effective approaches are those that reflect their social confidence, emotional maturity, and everyday school experience.

Early Years & Primary Curriculum (Ages 4–11)

At this stage, friendships are built through play, routine, and shared activities.

• Start by playing alongside others: Younger children often engage in ‘parallel play’ before interacting directly. This is a natural first step.
• Use simple invitations: Phrases like “Can I play too?” help children join in easily.
• Bring activities into the group: A ball, drawing, or simple game can naturally attract others without needing much conversation.
• Rely on teacher support: Teachers often help connect children through group work and seating arrangements.
• Focus on small moments: Even one positive interaction a day helps friendships grow over time.

Secondary Curriculum (Ages 11–18)

Lower Secondary (Ages 11–14)

Students begin to form stronger social identities, and shared interests become key.

• Join activities and clubs: Sports, arts, and extra-curricular activities are one of the most effective ways to meet like-minded peers.
• Ask genuine questions: Showing curiosity helps build natural connections.
• Be a good listener: Paying attention and remembering details builds trust.
• Be yourself: Authenticity matters more than trying to impress.

Upper Secondary (Ages 14–18)

Social groups may feel more established, but meaningful friendships still form through shared experiences.

• Find common ground: Academic subjects, future goals, or interests can create natural entry points.
• Take initiative gradually: Small steps, like joining conversations or group work, can lead to deeper connections.
• Respect existing groups: Friendships often develop by joining activities rather than forcing entry into social circles.
• Balance online and offline interaction: Social media can help maintain connections, but real friendships grow through in-person experiences.

10 Practical Tips: How to Make New Friends at School

Friendship-building looks different at every stage of a child’s development. The most effective school friendship tips a

1. Smile and Make Eye Contact

A warm smile signals approachability without saying a word. Children who make natural eye contact are perceived as more friendly and trustworthy by their peers.

2. Start with One Person, Not a Group

Approaching a single child who is alone or waiting is far less intimidating than trying to break into an established group. One genuine connection is the seed of many.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Questions that can’t be answered with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ keep conversations alive. Try: ‘What do you think of…?’, ‘Which one is your favourite and why?’, ‘Have you always liked…?’

4. Listen More Than You Talk

The secret to being interesting is being genuinely interested. Children who listen actively, remembering names, details, and following up, build trust faster than those who perform.

5. Join a Club or After-School Activity

Shared activity is the fastest path to friendship. Clubs, sports teams, and arts groups provide repeated, low-pressure contact, the ingredient friendships need most.

6. Be the One Who Includes

Actively inviting others in, ‘Want to come with us?’, ‘You can sit here if you like.’, is both a friendship-building strategy and a character-building habit.

7. Use a Conversation Starter Script

Having a few ready-made openers removes the paralysis of the blank-page moment. See the scripts section below for age-appropriate examples.

8. Be Patient With the Process

Research from the University of Kansas found that it takes approximately 50 hours of time together to move from acquaintance to casual friend. Friendships are not instant, they are built.

9. Celebrate Differences

In a multicultural school, curiosity about other cultures, ‘What’s that? Can you teach me?’, is a social superpower. Genuine interest in others’ backgrounds builds fast, deep connections.

10. Be Yourself

Children are remarkably good at detecting inauthenticity. The friendships that last are built on genuine personality, not performance. Encourage children to share what they actually love.

Ready-to-Use Conversation Starter Scripts for Children

One of the most practical ways parents can help children make friends at school is by practising conversation starters at home. These scripts provide a natural entry point, removing the blank-page anxiety that stops many children from approaching peers.

For Younger Children (Ages 4–10)

• “What’s your favourite game at break time?”
• “I like your bag / lunchbox. Where did you get it?”
• “Do you want to play with me?”
• “What’s your favourite thing about this school?”
• “I don’t know anyone here yet. What’s your name?”

For Older Children (Ages 11–18)

• “What subjects do you actually enjoy?”
• “Have you been at this school long? What’s it like?”
• “Do you know if there are any clubs for [interest]?”
• “What do people usually do around here at lunch?”
• “I just moved here, any advice for a new person?”

How to Make Friends at a New School When You’re Shy or Anxious

• Start with structured activities: Clubs and teams remove the need for ‘small talk’, the shared task does the social work.
• One person at a time: Rather than navigating groups, encourage one-to-one playdates outside school in a comfortable environment.
• Role-play at home: Practice conversation starters through play or role-play scenarios so children feel rehearsed, not unprepared.
• Validate their experience: ‘It feels hard at first’ is more helpful than ‘Just go and talk to someone.’ Acknowledge the difficulty before offering strategies.
• Involve the teacher: A good primary or secondary teacher can quietly pair a shy child with a compatible peer for projects or lunch, without making it obvious.
• Resist the urge to rescue: Allow children to experience manageable social discomfort. Each small success builds confidence for the next.

When to Seek Additional Support

If a child consistently avoids all social interaction, expresses intense distress about school, or shows signs of social anxiety that persist beyond 6–8 weeks at a new school, it is worth speaking to the school counsellor or a child development professional. Social anxiety is highly treatable with early support, and school pastoral teams are often the first and most accessible resource.

How to Make Friends at a New International School: Advice for Expat Families

Relocating to a new country adds a layer of complexity to the challenge of making friends at school. Children in international school communities face the simultaneous task of adapting to a new environment, new cultural norms, and sometimes a new language, all while trying to build friendships with peers who may themselves have recently arrived.

This shared experience of transition, however, is also one of the most powerful friendship catalysts in an international school setting. At schools like the ABCIS, the majority of students and families understand what it means to be new, which creates an unusually open, welcoming social culture.

Tips Specifically for Expat Children and Families

• Lean into the ‘new’ identity: Being the new student from a different country is genuinely interesting to peers. Encourage children to share stories, traditions, and foods from their home culture, it is an instant conversation starter.
• Connect before Day 1: Many international schools can connect incoming families with current student or parent ‘buddy’ contacts. Ask the admissions team if this is available.
• Attend family events early: Community events, welcome days, and parent socials provide low-pressure opportunities to build the adult relationships that often lead to playdates and school connections for children.
• Give it at least 6 weeks: Research on international school transitions consistently shows that the first 4–6 weeks feel the loneliest, but social connections accelerate sharply after this period as routines establish.
• Use language as a bridge, not a barrier: Even if a child’s English is developing, non-verbal connection through sport, games, and art transcends language and builds genuine bonds.

Parent Action Plan: A 7-Day Start for Helping Your Child Make Friends

Parents cannot make friends for their children, but they can create the conditions in which friendships are most likely to flourish. Here is a practical, low-pressure 7-day plan for the first week at a new school:

Day 1

Ask one open question after school: ‘Was there anyone interesting in your class today?’  not ‘Did you make friends?’ Acknowledge any difficulty without trying to fix it immediately.

Day 2

Practise conversation starters together at home using role-play. Make it light and playful, not pressured. Run through 2–3 openers they could try tomorrow.

Day 3

Connect with the class teacher, ask if there are any activities or clubs your child might enjoy that could help them meet like-minded peers.

Day 4

Look into after-school activities your child is genuinely interested in. Sign up for one that starts within the next 2 weeks.

Day 5

Share your own stories of making new friends at work, in a new city, or in a new context. Normalise the difficulty and the eventual success.

Day 6–7 (Weekend)

If your child mentions a name, any name, suggest a casual, low-pressure connection: ‘Would you like to invite [name] to play at the park on Sunday?’ Keep the setting easy and familiar.

How The ABCIS Supports Children in Making New Friends at School

At The ABC International School (ABCIS), we understand that social belonging is inseparable from academic flourishing. For this reason, helping students make new friends at school is not left to chance, it is embedded into our community structure, teaching approach, and pastoral care system from day one.

1. Student Buddy System

New students are paired with a welcoming peer buddy from their year group who helps them navigate the school, introductions, and routines in the first weeks.

2. Multicultural Community Events

Regular school events celebrate the diverse cultures within our community, creating natural conversation and connection opportunities for students and families alike.

3. Extracurricular Breadth

Our extensive after-school activities programme gives students multiple, interest-based contexts in which to connect with like-minded peers outside the classroom.

4. Pastoral Care Team

Our dedicated pastoral team monitors every student’s social well-being and proactively supports children who appear isolated or struggling to connect with peers.

5. Collaborative Classrooms

Our British curriculum approach emphasises project-based, collaborative learning, giving students daily structured opportunities to work, create, and connect with different peers.

6. Family Welcome Programme

We actively connect incoming families with established school families before the first day, building the adult relationships that naturally create opportunities for children to connect.

Visit the ABCIS today!

• Trung Son Campus: #152-158, Street No. 1, Trung Son, Binh Hung Commune, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
• Nha Be Campus: #2, Street No. 9, Tan An Huy, Nha Be Commune, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
• Phone: +84 (0)28 7308 1828
• Email: office@theabcis.com

Building a Sense of Belonging: The Long View

Learning how to make new friends at school is one of the most important social tasks of childhood, and it does not always happen quickly or easily. For some children, the first weeks feel lonely. For others, connections form almost immediately. Both experiences are normal, and neither predicts how a child’s social life will unfold over time.

What matters most is that children feel supported through the process: that they have strategies to try, a parent who listens without judgement, a school that actively facilitates connection, and the confidence to keep showing up. The friendships formed at school, from a shared laugh over a dropped lunch tray, to years of after-school adventures, are often the ones that last a lifetime.

At the ABCIS, we believe every child deserves to feel that this school is their school, and these are their people. If your family is considering an international school community in Ho Chi Minh City where belonging is taken as seriously as academic achievement, we would love to welcome you. 

Contact us today to arrange a visit, and let your child take the first step toward friendships that will shape who they become.

Frequently Asked Questions about Making Friends at School