How to Make New Friends at School: 10 Practical Tips for Children and Parents

Starting at a new school, or returning after a long break, can be one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking experiences of a child’s life. For many children, the prospect of making new friends at school feels daunting, especially in an unfamiliar environment with new faces, different routines, and sometimes even a new language.

The good news is that the social skills required to build genuine friendships are learnable. With the right strategies, encouragement from parents, and a supportive school community, almost every child can go from feeling like the new kid to feeling like they truly belong.

This guide brings together practical, evidence-based tips on how to make new friends at school, with specific advice for different ages, guidance for shy children, and a dedicated section for expat families navigating an international school environment.

In short: children make friends at school through repeated, low-pressure contact with the same peers, usually around a shared activity rather than through conversation alone. Research by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found it takes roughly 50 hours together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and about 90 hours to become a friend. Clubs, teams and group projects are the fastest way to accumulate those hours.

Key Takeaways for Building School Friendships

• Friendship-building is a learnable skill, and children of all personality types can develop it with the right support.
• Age-appropriate strategies make a significant difference: what works for a 6-year-old is different from what works for a 14-year-old.
• Shy and introverted children are not at a disadvantage, they simply need different entry points for connection.
• Friendship takes measurable time. Around 50 hours of contact turns an acquaintance into a casual friend, so a quiet first month is normal.
• OECD PISA 2022 found 76% of students say they make friends easily at school, while 16% report feeling lonely there. A struggling child is in a sizeable minority, not alone.
• Expat children face unique social challenges that a well-structured international school community can actively address.
• Parents play a vital supporting role without needing to intervene directly in their child’s friendships.

Why Making Friends at School Matters More Than Most Parents Realise

The social and academic benefits of school friendships are closely connected. When a child knows someone is saving them a seat at lunch, they arrive at school with greater confidence, focus, and readiness to learn. This sense of belonging can shape how they approach the entire school day.

Friendships also support key areas of development beyond the classroom. Through everyday interactions, children build social skills, learn to navigate differences, and develop empathy. These experiences strengthen emotional resilience, making it easier for students to manage challenges and adapt to new situations.

Belonging is not separate from academic success, it is part of the same foundation. The importance of school environments lies partly here: when children feel connected, they are more engaged, more willing to participate, and better prepared to make the most of their learning.

How Long Does It Take to Make Friends at School?

This is the question parents ask most often in the first weeks, and there is now a reasonably precise answer.

Stage	Approximate hours together	What that looks like at school
Acquaintance to casual friend	Around 50 hours	Roughly half a term of daily break times and shared lessons
Casual friend to friend	Around 90 hours	Roughly a full term, faster if a club or team is involved
Friend to close friend	200 hours or more	Usually a full school year, sometimes longer

These figures come from Jeffrey Hall’s research at the University of Kansas, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (Hall, 2019). Two points matter for parents.

First, the students in Hall’s second study moved faster than adults, reaching close friendship at around 120 hours, because school life stacks shared hours quickly. Second, not all hours count equally. Time spent joking, catching up and talking moves a friendship forward. Time spent working silently side by side barely registers.

It also helps to know how common the worry is. OECD PISA 2022 found that 76% of students across member countries agreed they make friends easily at school. At the same time, 16% reported feeling lonely at school and 17% felt like an outsider (OECD, 2023). A child who finds this hard is in a sizeable minority, not alone.

How to Make New Friends at School: Age-Specific Strategies

Friendship-building looks different at each stage of a child’s development. The most effective approaches are those that reflect their social confidence, emotional maturity, and everyday school experience.

A note for families arriving from American systems: ABCIS uses British Year groups. Year 7 is broadly equivalent to 6th grade, Year 8 to 7th grade, and Year 9 to 8th grade. The advice below maps to age rather than to any one system. Our Key Stage 3 guide explains how these years are structured.

Early Years & Primary Curriculum (Ages 4–11)

At this stage, friendships are built through play, routine, and shared activities.

• Start by playing alongside others: Younger children often engage in ‘parallel play’ before interacting directly. This is a natural first step.
• Use simple invitations: Phrases like “Can I play too?” help children join in easily.
• Bring activities into the group: A ball, drawing, or simple game can naturally attract others without needing much conversation.
• Rely on teacher support: Teachers often help connect children through group work and seating arrangements.
• Focus on small moments: Even one positive interaction a day helps friendships grow over time.

Secondary Curriculum (Ages 11–18)

Lower Secondary (Ages 11–14)

Students begin to form stronger social identities, and shared interests become key.

• Join activities and clubs: Sports, arts, and extra-curricular activities are one of the most effective ways to meet like-minded peers.
• Ask genuine questions: Showing curiosity helps build natural connections.
• Be a good listener: Paying attention and remembering details builds trust.
• Be yourself: Authenticity matters more than trying to impress.

Upper Secondary (Ages 14–18)

Social groups may feel more established, but meaningful friendships still form through shared experiences.

• Find common ground: Academic subjects, future goals, or interests can create natural entry points.
• Take initiative gradually: Small steps, like joining conversations or group work, can lead to deeper connections.
• Respect existing groups: Friendships often develop by joining activities rather than forcing entry into social circles.
• Balance online and offline interaction: Social media can help maintain connections, but real friendships grow through in-person experiences.

10 Practical Tips: How to Make New Friends at School

These ten tips work across ages. Adapt the wording to suit your child rather than the other way round.

1. Smile and Make Eye Contact

A warm smile signals approachability without saying a word. Children who make natural eye contact are perceived as more friendly and trustworthy by their peers.

2. Start with One Person, Not a Group

Approaching a single child who is alone or waiting is far less intimidating than trying to break into an established group. One genuine connection is the seed of many.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Questions that can’t be answered with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ keep conversations alive. Try: ‘What do you think of…?’, ‘Which one is your favourite and why?’, ‘Have you always liked…?’

4. Listen More Than You Talk

The secret to being interesting is being genuinely interested. Children who use active listening skills, remembering names and following up on details, build trust faster than those who perform.

5. Join a Club or After-School Activity

Shared activity is the fastest path to friendship, which is a large part of the importance of school clubs. Clubs, sports teams, and arts groups provide repeated, low-pressure contact, the ingredient friendships need most.

6. Be the One Who Includes

Actively inviting others in, ‘Want to come with us?’, ‘You can sit here if you like.’, is both a friendship-building strategy and a character-building habit.

7. Use a Conversation Starter Script

Having a few ready-made openers removes the paralysis of the blank-page moment. See the scripts section below for age-appropriate examples.

8. Be Patient With the Process

Research from the University of Kansas found that it takes approximately 50 hours of time together to move from acquaintance to casual friend. Friendships are not instant, they are built.

9. Celebrate Differences

In a multicultural school, curiosity about other cultures is a social superpower. Genuine cultural awareness, and questions like “What’s that? Can you teach me?”, builds fast, deep connections.

10. Be Yourself

Children are remarkably good at detecting inauthenticity. The friendships that last are built on genuine personality, not performance. Encourage children to share what they actually love.

How to Make Friends on the First Day of School

The first day carries the most anxiety and the least pressure. Nobody expects a new student to have friends yet, which makes it the easiest day of the year to start a conversation.

Before the first day

• Visit the campus in advance if you can, so the building is not also unfamiliar. Walking a typical school day route in advance removes one source of stress.
• Learn three or four names in advance, from the class list or a buddy contact.
• Agree one small goal with your child: say hello to two people. Not “make a friend”.
• Pack one thing that invites a conversation. A book, a football, a sticker collection.

On the day itself

• Arrive a few minutes early. Walking into a full room is much harder than being there as it fills.
• Sit somewhere central rather than at the edge of the room.
• Ask one practical question. “Do you know where the science block is?” is far easier than “Do you want to be friends?”
• Say yes to the first invitation, even if the activity is not a favourite.
• Remember two names and use them the next day. Being remembered is flattering at any age.

After school on day one

Ask “Who did you sit next to?” rather than “Did you make any friends?” The first has an answer. The second sounds like a test, and a child who had a hard day will hear it as one.

How to Make Friends at School When Everyone Already Has Friends

This is the worry students raise most often, particularly when joining mid-year. Established groups look far more closed from the outside than they are from within, and most have absorbed someone new before.

• Look for the edges of a group rather than the centre. Almost every group has someone who joined late and remembers it.
• Choose the newest activity, not the most popular one. A club in its first term has no established hierarchy.
• Offer something small and specific. “I’ve got a spare pen” opens more doors than “Can I sit here?”
• Use rotation to your advantage. Group projects and lab pairs reshuffle who talks to whom, so volunteer rather than wait to be assigned.
• Count contact, not conversations. Hours accumulate even before much is said, so sitting near the same people every day is progress.
• Watch for natural reset points. Year groups reshuffle at Key Stage transitions, and switching schools mid year is easier than it looks for exactly this reason.

One important distinction. There is a difference between not yet being included and being deliberately excluded. If a child is being actively kept out, mocked or isolated by a group, that is not a friendship problem for them to solve alone. Speak to the form tutor or pastoral lead and ask what the school’s approach is.

How to Be a Good Friend at School

Making friends and keeping them are different skills. Most children find the second harder, and it is what decides whether early connections last past the first term.

• Remember the small things. A follow-up question about a match or a test a week later signals real attention.
• Notice who is left out and say something. Including others is the most reliable route to being included.
• Handle disagreements without an audience. Falling out privately protects both people.
• Keep confidences. Trust is the currency of friendship, and it is spent quickly.
• Let friends have other friends. Possessiveness is a common cause of friendship breakdown in primary and lower secondary.
• Apologise plainly, with no explanation attached to the end of it.

Most of this is emotional intelligence in everyday form: noticing how someone else feels and adjusting. It is learnable, and it improves with practice rather than with age alone.

Ready-to-Use Conversation Starter Scripts for Children

One of the most practical ways parents can help children make friends at school is by practising conversation starters at home. These scripts provide a natural entry point, removing the blank-page anxiety that stops many children from approaching peers.

For Younger Children (Ages 4–10)

• “What’s your favourite game at break time?”
• “I like your bag / lunchbox. Where did you get it?”
• “Do you want to play with me?”
• “What’s your favourite thing about this school?”
• “I don’t know anyone here yet. What’s your name?”

For Older Children (Ages 11–18)

• “What subjects do you actually enjoy?”
• “Have you been at this school long? What’s it like?”
• “Do you know if there are any clubs for [interest]?”
• “What do people usually do around here at lunch?”
• “I just moved here, any advice for a new person?”

How to Make Friends at a New School When You’re Shy or Anxious

• Start with structured activities: clubs and teams remove the need for small talk, because the shared task does the social work.
• One person at a time: rather than navigating groups, arrange one-to-one time outside school in a comfortable setting.
• Role-play at home: practise conversation starters through play so children feel rehearsed rather than unprepared.
• Validate their experience: “It feels hard at first” is more helpful than “Just go and talk to someone.” Acknowledge the difficulty before offering strategies.
• Involve the teacher: a good teacher can quietly pair a shy child with a compatible peer for projects or lunch, without making it obvious.
• Resist the urge to rescue: allow manageable social discomfort. Each small success builds self confidence for the next attempt.

When to Seek Additional Support

If a child consistently avoids all social interaction, expresses intense distress about school, or shows signs of social anxiety that persist well beyond the first half-term, it is worth speaking to the school counsellor or a child development professional.

Social anxiety responds well to early support, and school pastoral teams are usually the first and most accessible resource. Persistent loneliness also affects wellbeing for students more broadly, so it is worth raising early rather than waiting to see whether it resolves.

How to Make Friends at a New International School: Advice for Expat Families

Relocating to a new country adds a layer of complexity to the challenge of making friends at school. Children in international school communities face the simultaneous task of adapting to a new environment, new cultural norms, and sometimes a new language, all while trying to build friendships with peers who may themselves have recently arrived.

This shared experience of transition, however, is also one of the most powerful friendship catalysts in an international school setting. At schools like the ABCIS, the majority of students and families understand what it means to be new, which creates an unusually open, welcoming social culture.

Tips Specifically for Expat Children and Families

• Lean into the ‘new’ identity: Being the new student from a different country is genuinely interesting to peers. Encourage children to share stories, traditions, and foods from their home culture, it is an instant conversation starter.
• Connect before Day 1: Many international schools can connect incoming families with current student or parent ‘buddy’ contacts. Ask the admissions team if this is available.
• Attend family events early: Community events, welcome days, and parent socials provide low-pressure opportunities to build the adult relationships that often lead to playdates and school connections for children.
• Give it at least 6 weeks: Research on international school transitions consistently shows that the first 4–6 weeks feel the loneliest, but social connections accelerate sharply after this period as routines establish.
• Use language as a bridge, not a barrier: sport, games and art build genuine bonds while English language support does its work in the background.

Parent Action Plan: A 7-Day Start for Helping Your Child Make Friends

Parents cannot make friends for their children, but they can create the conditions in which friendships are most likely to flourish. Here is a practical, low-pressure 7-day plan for the first week at a new school:

Day 1

Ask one open question after school: ‘Was there anyone interesting in your class today?’  not ‘Did you make friends?’ Acknowledge any difficulty without trying to fix it immediately.

Day 2

Practise conversation starters together at home using role-play. Make it light and playful, not pressured. Run through 2–3 openers they could try tomorrow.

Day 3

Connect with the class teacher, ask if there are any activities or clubs your child might enjoy that could help them meet like-minded peers.

Day 4

Look into after-school activities your child is genuinely interested in. Sign up for one that starts within the next 2 weeks.

Day 5

Share your own stories of making new friends at work, in a new city, or in a new context. Normalise the difficulty and the eventual success.

Day 6–7 (Weekend)

If your child mentions a name, any name, suggest a casual, low-pressure connection: ‘Would you like to invite [name] to play at the park on Sunday?’ Keep the setting easy and familiar.

How The ABCIS Supports Children in Making New Friends at School

At The ABC International School (ABCIS), we understand that social belonging is inseparable from academic flourishing. For this reason, helping students make new friends at school is not left to chance, it is embedded into our community structure, teaching approach, and pastoral care system from day one.

1. Student Buddy System

New students are paired with a welcoming peer buddy from their year group who helps them navigate the school, introductions, and routines in the first weeks.

2. Multicultural Community Events

Every student belongs to one of our four House Teams: Dalat Dragons, Hanoi Hornets, Mekong Monsters and Saigon Serpents. Houses mix year groups, so younger students know older ones by name within weeks. Regular events celebrate the many cultures in our community, creating natural conversation for students and families alike.

3. Extracurricular Breadth

Our extensive after-school activities programme gives students multiple, interest-based contexts in which to connect with like-minded peers outside the classroom.

4. Pastoral Care Team

Our dedicated pastoral team monitors every student’s social well-being and proactively supports children who appear isolated or struggling to connect with peers.

5. Collaborative Classrooms

Our British curriculum approach emphasises project-based, collaborative learning, giving students daily structured opportunities to work, create, and connect with different peers.

6. Family Welcome Programme

We actively connect incoming families with established school families before the first day, building the adult relationships that naturally create opportunities for children to connect.

This is a community that has been inspected. ABCIS has achieved four consecutive Outstanding grades under British Schools Overseas inspection, most recently in January 2024, with welfare and pastoral care assessed as part of that judgement.

• Trung Son Campus: #152-158, Street No. 1, Trung Son, Binh Hung Commune, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
• Nha Be Campus: #2, Street No. 9, Tan An Huy, Nha Be Commune, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
• Phone: +84 (0)28 7308 1828
• Email: office@theabcis.com

Building a Sense of Belonging: The Long View

Learning how to make new friends at school is one of the most important social tasks of childhood, and it does not always happen quickly or easily. For some children, the first weeks feel lonely. For others, connections form almost immediately. Both experiences are normal, and neither predicts how a child’s social life will unfold over time.

What matters most is that children feel supported through the process: that they have strategies to try, a parent who listens without judgement, a school that actively facilitates connection, and the confidence to keep showing up. The friendships formed at school, from a shared laugh over a dropped lunch tray, to years of after-school adventures, are often the ones that last a lifetime.

At the ABCIS, we believe every child deserves to feel that this school is their school, and these are their people. If your family is considering an international school community in Ho Chi Minh City where belonging is taken as seriously as academic achievement, we would love to welcome you. 

Contact us today to arrange a visit, and let your child take the first step toward friendships that will shape who they become.

Sources Cited

• Hall, J. A. (2019). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278-1296. View paper  |  University of Kansas summary
• OECD (2023). PISA 2022 Results (Volume II): Learning During and From Disruption. View report

Frequently Asked Questions about Making Friends at School